Where to Start?

So, many of you have probably been wondering why I haven't updated my blog in nearly 2 months. Well, it's not from a lack of things happening in my life right now. I just didn't think that I could mentally sit and write it all down until I knew more about the ending of the story. You see, I need to be in control of things and this last month things have been so far out of my control that it has really been a trial. Well, here's the story:

During one seemingly innocent shift at the KidsCare in July, the day before my 30th birthday to be exact, I accidentally mis-entered a child's vital signs in the computer. It basically comes down to the fact that I forgot to multiply a respiratory rate by 2. The doctor noticed my error and I redid the vital signs and entered the correct info in the electronic chart. I didn't think anything about it after that. That is until a week later when my manager calls me at 9:30 during my shift and tells me I've been placed on suspension and I can't come into work. Somehow this very minor mistake, which was corrected, and resulted in no harm to anyone, came to the attention of my manager who alerted the KidsCare's lead nurse, Terry.

Well, the KidsCare and InstaCare have been heavy on nurses lately and everyone's hours have been cut and things have been very tense. So they make me wait nearly a week and won't give me any reason for the suspension and I'm physically ill from all the stress. It turns out that Terry, who for some reason doesn't like me anyway, and my manager cook up this whole story of me falsifying the child's records and accuse me of wanting him to die and not being a very good nurse or person for that matter and fire me. Just like that I am out of a job. Jonathan has had no luck finding a job for the last 3 months as well, so we're both unemployed and oh yeah, without any health insurance now. Awesome. Not only that, but I loved my job. I loved the people that I worked with and the patients. I was lost without that job. I have never felt so destroyed before.

I appeal the decision of course, I was fired for something that I didn't do but the HR department drags their feet and it's 2 weeks before I even get to meet with them. My brother-in-law and sister help me write out a great appeal and I feel really good about it. I finally get to meet with the COO - chief operating officer of the division and tell him what really happened. I think the meeting went well and they promise to let me know their decision in 4-5 days (it's been 10 now and still no word). Now, I'm feeling like it doesn't matter if I ever hear from them again. Who would want to work for a company that makes things up and fires you for them then doesn't keep their word?

Well, not me. Especially since I got a phone call today with a job offer. I have been applying to a bunch of places and had 2 interviews this week. I accepted a position with Jordan Valley Medical Center working the night shift in the ICU - for 4 bucks more an hour than what I was making at the KidsCare. Working the night shift will be hard but I feel like I'll still be able to see my girls each day, where as if I was working the day shift I'd be gone 3 entire days a week out of their lives. It will be great to get back into the ICU. I feel like that's where a good nurse can really make a difference in a person's outcome. It's an answer to so many prayers, mine and others.

One thing that I have learned from all this mess is that I am not alone. Driving home from the meeting where they fired me I felt so lost and so alone that I cried and cried. Then I prayed that Heavenly Father would be with me and that I could know that things would be okay. It took a couple days but soon I really felt that Heavenly Father was watching out for me. I knew that I needed to let go of the control and give it to Him. When I did that I could feel peace and then focus as I looked for jobs - always with a prayer that He would lead me to where I was most needed and where I could do the most good. I have felt through this whole thing that I would land on my feet. I have also learned that I can lose my job and a part of what I think is my identity and that I still have everything that's most important in this life. I have my family and no stupid lead nurse or manager can take that away from me.

I have the world's best mother who came over right away when I called her sobbing on the freeway as I drove home and helped me make plans and reassured me that life would be okay while things sorted themselves out. I have an awesome father who, despite this whole thing dragging up past dramas from his own professional life, gave me blessings and advice and really helped me with my perspective. I have 4 wonderful sisters who were so good and helping to distract me and build me back up from the broken heap that I was. I have a husband who kept telling me that things would be okay and got a job working in a factory. I have two beautiful daughters who loved having Mommy around all the time and never let me forget who I go to work for in the first place. My family is what's MOST important.